"A day will come when I will stop blaming you for ruining my life. Until then, thank you."
Me
(Source: Flickr / aryssamonster, via observando)
&, vol. 4
& I will be engulfed in nature,
& I will slowly become the earth,
for I have spent a life in waiting
& I won’t leave my place.
Friday, May 11th, 2012.
residue.
i give myself five days to forget you.
on the first day i rust.
on the second i wilt.
on the third day i sit with friends but i think about your tongue.
i clean my room on the fourth day. i clean my body on the fourth day.
i try to replace your scent on the fourth day.
the fifth day, i adorn myself like the mouth of an inmate.
a wedding singer dressed in borrowed gold.
the midas of cheap metal.
tinsel in the middle of summer.
crevice glitter, two days after the party.
i glow the way unwanted things do,
a neon sign that reads;
come, i still taste like someones else’s mouth.
More like 5 years…
"Yes, Anais, I was thinking how I could betray you, but I can’t. I want you. I want to undress you, vulgarize you a bit—ah, I don’t know what I am saying. I am a little drunk because you are not here. I would like to clap my hands and, voila—Anais! I want to own you, use you. I want to fuck you, I want to teach you things."
Henry Miller to Anais Nin (via serialstranger)
(via hoodoothatvoodoo)
"Some fall in love.
I shatter."
Stephin Merritt (via floralnymph)
(Source: atomiclanterns, via hoodoothatvoodoo)
You Will Hear Thunder - Anna Akhmatova
It will, I promise.
(Source: typewrittenword, via hoodoothatvoodoo)
&, vol. 3
I still have vivid memories of times when I would wake up, alone, in your bed. The remains of your warmth & smell on your pillows & blankets. I would run down to your yard & lay there, for hours. Warm tea; the greenest grass & the brightest, bluest, Spring skies.
I felt happy, I felt weightless.
& would wait,
for you.
Saturday, May 5th, 2012.
get on with your life (excerpt)
…Unbidden, music floods my head…
Most of my fantasies are of
Making someone else come
Most of my fantasies are of
To be of use
To be of some hard
Simple Undeniable useE….Talking, kissing, licking, biting, squeezing, rubbing, caressing, begging me, fucking me, adoring me into submission. Of our love, of his need of me…
I sit clenching the sides of the island’s counter, searching for a center to hold me together. Breathing is like swallowing barbwire.
I look down at my nearly untouched bowl of cereals. I know I have to eat. But food tastes like nothing and I end up retching half of what I eat. It feels like eating is partly sustaining this pain too, not only my body. If I just get over this moment, this very moment where everything’s unhinged and putrid…
I bite my right hand between thumb and index finger, hissing. Physical pain is usually a good distraction. That, I can control…
RL
My life.
